A Dhamma-Based Approach to Problems

Whether in worldly or spiritual matters, when a problem arises, we're used to trying to solve it immediately. But within Buddhist teaching, a somewhat different approach is offered — one of them is letting go. This has, today, been widely misunderstood as something negative. In this approach, when a problem arises, the first thing to do is to let go of the incident and the matter it involves. That does not mean neglecting the problem — that is precisely where the misunderstanding lies. In this way, by creating a certain balanced distance from the problem, the problem itself moves somewhat further away from us. The scope of the problem becomes far clearer to us. A kind of middle ground forms between us and the problem. Approaching it as though searching for an answer to the problem is itself a delusion — because there would never be an end to seeking answers for every problem we have.

The Skill of Letting Go

But if you let go of the conventional approach you're used to, that letting go opens a new page in your life. The theoretical basis for this is that, within that letting go, what actually gets released is the range within which that person's heart — dependent origination, mind and karma — operates. Each person's cognitive abilities are built to a different degree. Anyone can have both well-developed cognitive abilities and cognitive weaknesses. The mind tries to see the problem and find a solution purely within its own accustomed frame, in order to conserve the energy that cognitive processing requires. But while this can indeed yield an easy solution, it can just as easily cause a more accurate, more suitable solution to be missed (cognitive errors and cognitive distortions) — something we should consider carefully. So within this letting-go, new directions begin to appear to that person. "New islands and lands were found because of the fierce storms that turned the ship's course." Those of us walking the Dhamma path should get used to correctly recognising and practising this art of letting go. Then letting go becomes refined into an actual skill. Letting go is present even within the character of Buddha. Letting go is a profound matter. What is released within it is karma. What is released is the karmic result. What is released is dependent origination. What is released are the mind's frameworks. What is released are the habits of samsara. Letting go should become a skill in one's own life. For many problems, a solution — an ending — is reached precisely within this act of letting go.

Eight Pieces of Advice for a Spiritual Life

1. Trust yourself

Don't spend more energy than necessary asking whether the path you're on — this being the path of nirvana, or the Dhamma path — is correct. The very act of questioning whether it's correct guarantees that whatever conclusion you reach about your path will be wrong, because such conclusions are relative matters. But the true Dhamma path is not a relative matter. Consider it this way: suppose you're walking, and at some point you sense you've taken the wrong road. You concluded it was wrong relative to some idea already held in your mind. Relative to what was already in your mind, when you turned onto that road, you have no other basis for calling it wrong. Look at how you concluded it was wrong, and that's exactly where the error lies. The hardship on that road, its harshness, not suiting you — these are the very things used to declare the path wrong. So don't wear yourself out checking whether you're on the right path while walking the path of Dhamma and truth.

How, then, can I see whether the path I'm on is correct?

Every path we walk is simply a path. There are no wrong paths. But the error arises precisely in the act of checking whether you are right or wrong. You look at it that way from some angle you've already constructed as "right" or "wrong." So every path you walk is, in fact, correct. What does this mean? First, you must have trust in yourself. That trust should not be founded on anything in particular. It is founded neither on belief nor on disbelief. Every place where you go wrong on your path is a fresh experience for you. Every place you get it right is a fresh experience too. Through this, there is something to be gained from the experiences you've had. It is within this whole range that a person is nourished. There is something to build from each of these things. If what you are meant to build from it is not visible to you, that is exactly where the real difficulty lies — not in the external event itself. Someone might think that going about on foot alone will let them see nirvana. If they act sincerely within that belief, what they need to build becomes understood, and the path to seeing nirvana becomes clearer than before. Through this, they gain experience. Wandering from place to place on foot, exploring, might be another person's path — that's exactly why the Buddha said not to dwell in one place. It is precisely to gain experience. Someone who stays in one place has less experience. But that doesn't mean the answer is to keep wandering endlessly either.

Sincerely acting on what you believe is what begins the process of letting go. As letting go happens, freedom follows.

2. Be a sincere spiritual friend to others

We need the blessing of good spiritual friendship (kalyana-mitta) on the Dhamma path. We cannot go it alone. But rather than searching for spiritual friendship, what should be done is to try, oneself, to become a good spiritual friend to others. For that, you need sincerity within yourself. The framework needed to give others genuine spiritual friendship must be built within you.

Spiritual friendship is not something maintained for your own advantage. Nor is it something used to build networks. Be a spiritual friend to others, rather than going about seeking spiritual friends for yourself.

3. Maintain simplicity

One should become someone who can dwell in solitude. As long as you can be by yourself, you rest upon simplicity. It is precisely the absence of this quality that has made society this complicated. When living alone, one should be simple enough that having something for one's own hunger feels like enough. Everyone, in truth, comes alone. It is delusion and complexity that make people build a mentality unable to be alone. The complexity of delusion. Everyone arrives alone, lives alone, and leaves alone. Everyone should get used to being alone. That is what simplicity means. Living alone, one becomes a single point of strength — like the sun, a single powerful source. Someone who dwells alone has nothing to gain and nothing to lose. Living alone reduces the risks that can arise for someone on the spiritual path. It also makes one someone without fear. Whenever something needs to be started, or even the idea of it arises, fear only arises in those who have something to lose. Such people live in fear of dying too. Someone walking the Dhamma path needs to become someone with nothing to lose. That is what simplicity, in the spiritual path, means.

4. Become someone who does not maintain things

We usually maintain the body; we maintain our living spaces; we maintain our circle of people. We maintain all sorts of things this way. One should become someone who maintains none of these. Not maintaining them comes from understanding their true nature. Take, for example, sweeping the yard. For someone who hasn't understood this true nature, sweeping the yard inevitably becomes an essential task — things that must be done. Staying clean, keeping things clean, is indeed necessary. But some people become caught in this maintenance (becoming workaholics), with no rest, until it becomes their entire life. Someone who has understood this true nature follows the middle way, and so acts based on understanding. For this reason, someone walking the spiritual path should not become caught in maintenance. This should be a place arrived at through understanding, through the middle way, understanding the limits of maintenance.

5. Do not become someone who is patient

Being patient is a difficult thing. Being patient is itself the mistake. Not being patient does not mean giving in to anger. Being patient exists precisely because there is a reaction on the other side. One is patient relative to that reaction. That's exactly why one shouldn't be a person who is patient in this way. This does not mean doing whatever you want the moment you feel like it, or scolding whenever you feel angry. This is an extremely subtle matter. Suppose someone scolds you. If that action is taken up and reacted to, then I am inclined to scold back. It is relative to that resistance that I must be patient. Not being someone who is patient means not being caught up in that incident at all. Being patient is the outcome of an entangled reaction. That is, one has already become someone who reacts to whatever arises externally. That's exactly why one ends up having to be patient. If patience became necessary, one should recognise that one was already mistaken — because a situation requiring patience had already been constructed there. So the right thing is to examine why you needed to be patient in the first place, not to dwell on how well you were patient.

6. Act with knowledge of loving-kindness as a natural law

You've heard it said that in loving-kindness we extend goodwill toward beings. But building yourself as a person, and then extending metta outward to a being — another constructed "person" — until they see nirvana, is not what metta is. Metta is a natural law. Every action has a reaction, equal and opposite, occurring on both sides. That is: what you give outward is exactly what you receive. Metta is precisely this natural law. If I scold someone, I too must hear scolding in return; if I praise someone, praise comes to me; if I give respect, respect returns; if I give love, love returns; if I give truth, truth returns; if I give sincerity, sincerity returns — corresponding reactions, of this kind, come back to you as well. What you give is exactly what you receive. This is the natural law contained within metta.

7. Manage your attachments

The first bond formed upon arriving in this world is the bond with mother and father. From there, all sorts of further bonds form for us. So what should we do about attachments? We cannot simply sever bonds either — doing so would make us inhuman or animal-like. It is by honouring bonds that respect arises. In the animal world, some creatures eat their own young right after birth. Likewise, if the offspring, once grown, attacks its own mother or father, that is exactly what we call "the animal world." Developing through Dhamma does not mean belonging to the animal world. We have no right to go against basic human virtues — like refusing to speak with or check on one's parents, or saying "I don't care what happens to my teachers." That's why we must manage our attachments, and manage our social relationships too. That is exactly the difference between animals and humans. In this, we should manage our attachments, without becoming caught by them. The Buddha, too, went to see Yasodhara. He went to meet King Suddhodana. He went to relatives and teachers. He gave Dayada (the inheritance) to Rahula. Managing attachments is a skill. Without becoming caught by them, they should be skilfully managed.

8. Live knowing you are living within a falsehood

One should live knowing that all of this, too, is a falsehood — and should let the heart know this too. Never mistake falsehood for truth. In the end, even the Dhamma is, in a sense, a falsehood — something constructed relative to conditions. Living while knowing it is a falsehood is precisely what makes you truthful. Because there is no such thing as a fixed "truth" at all.